1. According to my phone, I tried to buy Cupcake a life partner last night. There are quite a few searches for pet alligators and 'pet weddings'. I think I bought a small wedding dress...
2. There is... a penis drawn in frosting on the kitchen fridge. I don't know if it is art of graffiti at this point. Tasty icing though.
1. i woke up with just one thing on my mind. why is it so easy to lose underwear in this house? 2. i need 500 rubber bands and as much mosquito netting as we can find, stat! 3. would it have been mean to reply to the question, 'what can your tentacles do?' with 'eat your face off!!' and a scary face, do you think? 4. text him!
1. If you were in the kitchen, whose arm was I cuddling all that time? 2. Is cereal supposed to taste like anything? 3. I need turtlenecks. And batteries. 4. Text him!
1. he's friendly in a 'let's join a book club together' kind of way, not a 'let's go home and you can make me scream your name to my neighbors' kind of way. 2. i've always kinda been on the fence about whether or not sex injuries are a thing you should brag about. 3. his tolerance is something else. i think he drank a bathtub of vodka last night. i'm only exaggerating a little. 4. text him!
1. to whom it may concern: there are some very expensive looking intimates hanging from the light fixture in the kitchen. you might want to get those? 2. i'm thinking about jello shots. what's the best flavor? 3. it's just a thought, but we might want to get a separate drain board for sex toys. my coffee cup almost had some very interesting, very teal, highly anatomically correct company this morning. 4. text him!
1. My mistake, I thought you said you wanted to climb a tree with him, not climb him like a tree. 2. Why did he ask me if my carpet matched my drapes? That was a very odd juncture for interior design advice. 3. Humans have so many messy customs. I learned about body shots tonight. I'm not sure what I think. 4. Text them!
2. I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
3. I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
4. I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by having sex too hard against the bookshelf.
5. anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
1. so i followed minsu's advice and i went down on him in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
2. He threw a goldfish cracker into the toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
3. I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
4. They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
5. He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
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Rae of SUNSHINE
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myung-ahhhh
2. he told me he was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
3. I just gave head in the laundry room. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
4. I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk.
5. we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
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candy crush
2. I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
3. The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
4. I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
5. text him!
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okay he is laughing a lot but also--]
You know, I would really appreciate you keeping it to like, two heart attack moments every week. Three is just too many okay.
And is there where I make a comment about Freudian slips or--???
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fox the elder
2. We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds.
3. I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
4. We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow me to feed him grapes. This is love.
5. text him!
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this disaster
2. He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
3. We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
4. we already have meals planned for the weekend. SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
5. text him!
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ten!
2. i need 500 rubber bands and as much mosquito netting as we can find, stat!
3. would it have been mean to reply to the question, 'what can your tentacles do?' with 'eat your face off!!' and a scary face, do you think?
4. text him!
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dal!
2. Is cereal supposed to taste like anything?
3. I need turtlenecks. And batteries.
4. Text him!
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bam!
2. i've always kinda been on the fence about whether or not sex injuries are a thing you should brag about.
3. his tolerance is something else. i think he drank a bathtub of vodka last night. i'm only exaggerating a little.
4. text him!
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dash!
2. i'm thinking about jello shots. what's the best flavor?
3. it's just a thought, but we might want to get a separate drain board for sex toys. my coffee cup almost had some very interesting, very teal, highly anatomically correct company this morning.
4. text him!
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bird!
2. Why did he ask me if my carpet matched my drapes? That was a very odd juncture for interior design advice.
3. Humans have so many messy customs. I learned about body shots tonight. I'm not sure what I think.
4. Text them!
bang bang kwang
2. I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
3. I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
4. I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by having sex too hard against the bookshelf.
5. anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
1.
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tree boi
2. He threw a goldfish cracker into the toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
3. I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
4. They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
5. He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
3
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