[ Myung's jaw clenches, because, fuck, he knows. It's fucking horrible, and he can only imagine how Jiho must feel. He slides off the piano bench and onto the couch by Jiho's side, pulling him in with little effort - if Jiho resists, that's that, but if he doesn't, he'll get a hug. ]
Is there anything anyone can do? Maybe - Adder, or Ros? Surely that should be in their wheelhouse to help him. Make it stop.
[ Myung runs his tongue over his teeth. ]
It's not the same - it's not the same at all, but. Dal doesn't exactly have his own body, you know? I mean, he does, he's real, but he kinda shares, with Bam. The first time I fell asleep here, I woke up with Bam, and I had the freak out of a lifetime. It's not - it's like, I know I'm always going to have to share him, and he can't do anything about it either.
[jiho's body is still trained to resist, a knee-jerk reflex that's deeply ingrained in him. but jiho himself doesn't want to resist, so he overrides that instinct. he lets himself be hugged against myung.]
I don't know. Maybe.
[he thought for a minute that levi - as if jiho would ever get him inclined to help anyway. but he was wrong. all that could happen there would be jiho being turned into a demon of wrath or something. and honestly, he's already soft enough.]
I'm going to try summoning him back. Rook's nervous about it, but I cna handle it. [he listens to myung's dilemma before snorting softly, shaking his head.] Nothing's easy, is it. I guess I'd be worried if it was.
[jiho isn't a pessimist, but he accepts how the real world works.]
[ Myung isn't well versed in everything that's happened. But all he can say is that Jiho loves Rook. He wouldn't be saying these things otherwise. He cares about everyone in the house, but Rook is special, Myung isn't blind. ]
You should try everything you can. [ He leans in, wrapping an arm around over Jiho's shoulders, keeping him close. ]
Definitely not easy. But, hey. How d'you feel when you're alone with him? Is that part easy?
[jiho smiles a little at the arm around his shoulders, the solid feeling of myung's body beside him. he's pretty good at this, things jiho never gave himself a chance to find out before.]
When we're alone? Yeah, that part's like breathing. Easier.
[ Oh, hey, at least he's solid to Jiho. If you listen to Minsu, Myung's apparently ready to be blown away by the slightest gust of wind.
And yeah, he's a great goddamn hugger, thank you very much. ]
That's what matters. Don't get me wrong, I get it, I get being fucking scared. But if it's good and you're happy when you're alone, just. Hold on to that. It makes the rest of the shit worth it.
[he never said that. would never say it. if it's anyone's fault, it's dae's. if he's even alive to blame.
other things jiho will never say.]
I guess I don't know how to hesitate. [he smiles a little, only a touch bitter. it works in his favor most of the time, out there. if he hesitates, he gets hurt. with this, it could work out in the other direction. but he doesn't think it will.] He's always been honest. I just had to start believing him.
[ Myung sighs, reaching down to play with some of Jiho's yarn. ]
I used to be so sure, about Dae. He was so... steadfast. So stubborn, about us. [ He clenches his jaw. ] Not that I think you should be more cautious. He's waited around for you long enough. I just. I worry.
[ Well, at least when Myung burnt, he did so brightly. Right? ]
Maybe it makes sense, then. He had to fly away, or some shit like that.
[ Sure, Myung is happy, right now. He's happier than he thought he could be, considering the circumstances. But that doesn't mean that he's not still bitter.
Mm, thanks. I do like him, you know? He's cute. And he's obviously good for you. You've mellowed out a lot since you've let him in, and I can't say that I think it's a bad thing.
[they have other adjectives for him. and while they're true, they're not all that rook is. or even the most important part. certainly not to him.]
He is cute though. And ticklish. And he doesn't take away anything inside of me. If anything, he sharpens it.
[that was always one of his fears. that feelings would make him too soft. that he would be so busy being in love, he would forget the parts of the world that he hates. now he's also become a duality, a lover and a killer.]
You'll be glad to know that I'm more careful now. And a little more selective.
[ Myung flexes his fingers a little, an impossible reaction to the immediate question that plagues him - does he take anything inside of Jiho? Present, or past tense?
But this isn't about him, so he shut it down. What matters is this, now, Jiho's admissions. His willingness to change. ]
I'm happy for you. Truly.
[ He chews on the inside of his lip for a moment, before going for it. ]
[ It's more because he wants to understand Jiho's sexuality than a true desire to know any kind of detail. But if Rook's being so good to him, Myung just... wonders. ]
[but he's still cute when he blushes. jiho smiles a little. the question isn't what he expected, but again that says more about jiho than it does myung. it's probably a question that a lot of people would have.]
We haven't. But we've talked about it, and we might in the future. Neither of us need it right now.
[rook isn't like him, but he's not exactly like other people either. what they have works for them.]
There are things that I can get out of it too. I think Rook just needs to feel sure of that first.
It'll come back, in a couple hours. Unless I see Dal in between, which I doubt I will. Gotta let Bam roam a little.
[ Even if Myung would prefer having Dal around all day, every day, it isn't exactly fair on Bam.
Myung nods, unsure he understands, exactly, but also glad that whatever they have is working out for them. ]
That's - good. That you're both happy. And satisfied. Doesn't matter how that looks like, right? As long as you're both good.
[ He leans in, chin on Jiho's shoulder. ]
You and I would never have worked, long-term. I like sex too much. That's actually the one part I'm scared of, with Dal. Because I like him so much, but he's never had sex, and he could very well realize he doesn't care for it. And I don't know... I don't know what I'd do. I mean, I'd support him, of course, but I don't know if I can be in a relationship without sex.
[he can understand that feeling, wanting someone around all the time when they can't be. at least he's assuming that bam is a nice person in his own right. hopefully it makes the sacrifice a little easier.]
It's a possibility, but not likely. It's all about talking and finding a balance that everyone is comfortable with. Love someone enough, you'll find a way to make it work. Liking sex is fine, but it's not the most important thing. It's certainly not worth trading for love. [he looks at myung to emphasize that.] I mean, what if that alligator in the kitchen crawled into bed with you and bit your dick off. What then?
You had to ruin it. One, Cupcake would never do that, and two, that's not really the point. I shouldn't have to think of scenarios where I don't have a dick.
[ He sighs, pressing his nose to the knobbly end of Jiho's shoulder. ]
I know you're right, really, I just. I can't really imagine a life without sex, that's all. I guess it's easier for you to do because you don't care about it. But I do. It's how I've shown how I feel to people for a long time. I'm not saying it's the only way, I just hope I can... show it to him.
Other ways to express my feelings? I mean, I’ve been doing that. I wouldn’t go exclusive for just anyone. And we’ve been talking a lot. About the good things, but also the bad things. He knows more about me already than - half the people in this house.
[ Myung blushes a little again. ]
And he seems to really like it when I kiss his hand. Real Victorian.
[it's not a warning, not even advice. he can tell that myung wants nothing else in the world right now but to make dal happy, abstinence and hand kisses and all.]
And massage his shoulders in the shower. Because fuck, that's almost gotten Rook deep-throated a time or two, and I know your hands are as good as his are.
[ It's a promise, and it's heartfelt. And then he chokes, coughing a little. He's not exactly turning into a prude, but thinking of these things with Dal make him feel all funny inside. ]
God, I mean, I haven't even put my hands up his shirt, I don't think showering together is anywhere in the picture just yet, Ji.
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no subject
Is there anything anyone can do? Maybe - Adder, or Ros? Surely that should be in their wheelhouse to help him. Make it stop.
[ Myung runs his tongue over his teeth. ]
It's not the same - it's not the same at all, but. Dal doesn't exactly have his own body, you know? I mean, he does, he's real, but he kinda shares, with Bam. The first time I fell asleep here, I woke up with Bam, and I had the freak out of a lifetime. It's not - it's like, I know I'm always going to have to share him, and he can't do anything about it either.
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I don't know. Maybe.
[he thought for a minute that levi - as if jiho would ever get him inclined to help anyway. but he was wrong. all that could happen there would be jiho being turned into a demon of wrath or something. and honestly, he's already soft enough.]
I'm going to try summoning him back. Rook's nervous about it, but I cna handle it. [he listens to myung's dilemma before snorting softly, shaking his head.] Nothing's easy, is it. I guess I'd be worried if it was.
[jiho isn't a pessimist, but he accepts how the real world works.]
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[ Myung isn't well versed in everything that's happened. But all he can say is that Jiho loves Rook. He wouldn't be saying these things otherwise. He cares about everyone in the house, but Rook is special, Myung isn't blind. ]
You should try everything you can. [ He leans in, wrapping an arm around over Jiho's shoulders, keeping him close. ]
Definitely not easy. But, hey. How d'you feel when you're alone with him? Is that part easy?
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[jiho smiles a little at the arm around his shoulders, the solid feeling of myung's body beside him. he's pretty good at this, things jiho never gave himself a chance to find out before.]
When we're alone? Yeah, that part's like breathing. Easier.
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And yeah, he's a great goddamn hugger, thank you very much. ]
That's what matters. Don't get me wrong, I get it, I get being fucking scared. But if it's good and you're happy when you're alone, just. Hold on to that. It makes the rest of the shit worth it.
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jiho smiles to himself. it's nice to hear myung talk like this, with fight and fire. he hopes he applies it to himself just as much.]
You don't have to worry about that. I'll make him drag me to hell with him if that's what it takes. There's too much fight in me to be a quitter.
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... Yeah. Some things, they stay. ]
You're very sure, about the two of you, uh?
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other things jiho will never say.]
I guess I don't know how to hesitate. [he smiles a little, only a touch bitter. it works in his favor most of the time, out there. if he hesitates, he gets hurt. with this, it could work out in the other direction. but he doesn't think it will.] He's always been honest. I just had to start believing him.
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I used to be so sure, about Dae. He was so... steadfast. So stubborn, about us. [ He clenches his jaw. ] Not that I think you should be more cautious. He's waited around for you long enough. I just. I worry.
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[pretty and bright, flitting from flower to flower. myung was more of a tiger moth, drawn to things that would burn him.
he did think that they had something special. but people can change. hasn't he?]
I know. [he puts his hand on myung's knee.] You don't have to worry too much though. If he hurts me, I'll probably kill him.
[it's worse that he smiles when he says that.]
no subject
Maybe it makes sense, then. He had to fly away, or some shit like that.
[ Sure, Myung is happy, right now. He's happier than he thought he could be, considering the circumstances. But that doesn't mean that he's not still bitter.
Myung snorts. He can believe that. ]
Maybe just stab him a little, don't kill him.
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Just stab him a little. [jiho laughs at the advice.] That's going to be hard for me, but I'll try. Since you asked me to.
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Mm, thanks. I do like him, you know? He's cute. And he's obviously good for you. You've mellowed out a lot since you've let him in, and I can't say that I think it's a bad thing.
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[they have other adjectives for him. and while they're true, they're not all that rook is. or even the most important part. certainly not to him.]
He is cute though. And ticklish. And he doesn't take away anything inside of me. If anything, he sharpens it.
[that was always one of his fears. that feelings would make him too soft. that he would be so busy being in love, he would forget the parts of the world that he hates. now he's also become a duality, a lover and a killer.]
You'll be glad to know that I'm more careful now. And a little more selective.
no subject
But this isn't about him, so he shut it down. What matters is this, now, Jiho's admissions. His willingness to change. ]
I'm happy for you. Truly.
[ He chews on the inside of his lip for a moment, before going for it. ]
Can I ask you a personal question?
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jiho looks up at him, curious but unafraid.]
Sure, go ahead.
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Do you - do you guys have sex?
[ It's more because he wants to understand Jiho's sexuality than a true desire to know any kind of detail. But if Rook's being so good to him, Myung just... wonders. ]
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[but he's still cute when he blushes. jiho smiles a little. the question isn't what he expected, but again that says more about jiho than it does myung. it's probably a question that a lot of people would have.]
We haven't. But we've talked about it, and we might in the future. Neither of us need it right now.
[rook isn't like him, but he's not exactly like other people either. what they have works for them.]
There are things that I can get out of it too. I think Rook just needs to feel sure of that first.
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It'll come back, in a couple hours. Unless I see Dal in between, which I doubt I will. Gotta let Bam roam a little.
[ Even if Myung would prefer having Dal around all day, every day, it isn't exactly fair on Bam.
Myung nods, unsure he understands, exactly, but also glad that whatever they have is working out for them. ]
That's - good. That you're both happy. And satisfied. Doesn't matter how that looks like, right? As long as you're both good.
[ He leans in, chin on Jiho's shoulder. ]
You and I would never have worked, long-term. I like sex too much. That's actually the one part I'm scared of, with Dal. Because I like him so much, but he's never had sex, and he could very well realize he doesn't care for it. And I don't know... I don't know what I'd do. I mean, I'd support him, of course, but I don't know if I can be in a relationship without sex.
no subject
It's a possibility, but not likely. It's all about talking and finding a balance that everyone is comfortable with. Love someone enough, you'll find a way to make it work. Liking sex is fine, but it's not the most important thing. It's certainly not worth trading for love. [he looks at myung to emphasize that.] I mean, what if that alligator in the kitchen crawled into bed with you and bit your dick off. What then?
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You had to ruin it. One, Cupcake would never do that, and two, that's not really the point. I shouldn't have to think of scenarios where I don't have a dick.
[ He sighs, pressing his nose to the knobbly end of Jiho's shoulder. ]
I know you're right, really, I just. I can't really imagine a life without sex, that's all. I guess it's easier for you to do because you don't care about it. But I do. It's how I've shown how I feel to people for a long time. I'm not saying it's the only way, I just hope I can... show it to him.
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he's smiling though.]
I know. And I think it makes you feel loved too.
[he's not sure myung could believe anyone without sex, and that's what worries him. but chances of it coming to that are slim.]
Give some other ways a try too. I bet you and Dal would both enjoy it. You want me to make you a list?
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Other ways to express my feelings? I mean, I’ve been doing that. I wouldn’t go exclusive for just anyone. And we’ve been talking a lot. About the good things, but also the bad things. He knows more about me already than - half the people in this house.
[ Myung blushes a little again. ]
And he seems to really like it when I kiss his hand. Real Victorian.
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[it's not a warning, not even advice. he can tell that myung wants nothing else in the world right now but to make dal happy, abstinence and hand kisses and all.]
And massage his shoulders in the shower. Because fuck, that's almost gotten Rook deep-throated a time or two, and I know your hands are as good as his are.
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[ It's a promise, and it's heartfelt. And then he chokes, coughing a little. He's not exactly turning into a prude, but thinking of these things with Dal make him feel all funny inside. ]
God, I mean, I haven't even put my hands up his shirt, I don't think showering together is anywhere in the picture just yet, Ji.